Eat, you’ll feel better
by Guinevere-Arthur
Summary: Remus Lupin finds herself completely and utterly alone on that dreadful October night. But what happens when everything she thought was true turned out to be a lie and an old lover appears at her apartment door. [Remus/Sirius AU Set mostly after POA, with various flash backs and introduction set in Marauders Era]
1. October 31st 1981

Hello. This is a work in progress fanfiction, I'm writing it at the moment and would love as much input as possible. I'm hoping to make this fit to the canon as much as possible, other than the inclusion of the character you will be introduced to in chapter 2/3. But we may have some changes later on, which you can probably guess quite early on, so we will see how this plans out, no promises. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this first chapter, please comment/review I'd love to hear what you think. - Hope

\-- 31st October 1981 --

Remus had woken up on the wrong side of the bed, her head was pounding and she felt sick. That was just another day at the moment, the stress was getting to them all and she felt her symptoms more physically than the others did. The full moon had been 18 days ago and she was usually back up to her old self by this point, this month wasn't a good one.

She rolled over to see Sirius lying on the bed next to her, his eyes closed, his mouth hanging open snoring loudly and she smiled softly. She leant forward and kissed his forehead softly and brushed some hair out of his face. He looked so peaceful and quiet when he slept. She moved her fingers down his face slowly, at this movement she felt an arm snake around her waist. "Good morning." She said softly with a smile that was only replied to by a grunt. "We have to be at the cottage by 10, Lily's making a halloween themed brunch." She said with a smile but didn't begin to move away from him, instead she moved closer. Sirius held her close resting his head on her chest and rubbing his fingers up and down her back.

The alarm clock went off on his side of the bed and he groaned rolling onto his back and smacking it with his hand. At this movement Remus moved slowly out of his grasp and sat up at the side of the bed. She slid her slippers on before standing up and making her way to the small chest of draws and started collecting her clothes for the day.

As she started to pull on her clothes for the day she felt a pair of arms snake around her waist, "If you want to deal with the wrath of Lily go ahead." She said without turning to look at him. He sighed and started kissing down her neck, she couldn't help feeling weak at this point leaning against him. "Pads, stop it." She said and moved her hand around to grab him making him run back and decide to get dressed himself.

At 9:56 they arrived at the Potter's cottage to the sounds of James and Lily squabbling. Remus smiled softly opening the door to see baby Harry playing on the floor, the voices of James and Lily in the kitchen. Remus picked up Harry when he did grabby arms towards the pair.

"You promised me you wouldn't leave the house James! You promised, under Dumbledore's orders…" Lily had stormed into the living room, her eyes landing on Sirius. "And you! This is your doing, your influence!" She shouted and Sirius looked at Remus begging for help with his eyes, Remus shrugged in response turning to see James enter the room and she smirked at him with a raised eyebrow before sitting into the plush armchair with Harry on her lap.

"Come on Lils, it was Moony's time of the month, we couldn't leave her to do it on her own." James said with a groan not looking at his wife."She didn't ask you to go!" Lily snapped, and Remus knew at this point not to get involved. "She has Sirius, we discussed this. We discussed that while we were under house arrest Peter and Sirius would be going with her and you would stay."

Sirius looked up at this, "To be honest Peter didn't come with us… He was busy apparently." He said a spiteful tone to his voice.

"I don't care about that, You're putting our safety on the line, Harry's safety." She snapped putting her foot literally down.

"It won't happen again Lily, I promise. I'll send them back if I have to." Remus said with a soft smile as she started doing silly faces for Harry. Lily sighed before making her way into the kitchen and you could hear the sizzle of the food.

"She'll forgive you soon." Remus said to James who smiled.

"She already has, it's the last of her rage." James said and slumped down onto the sofa with Sirius beside him. Sirius smiled and rested his head against James, closing his eyes. Remus look away from the pair as they chatted about everything they had been doing, she looked to Harry, the little toddler who was putting his little hands on her face following the scars with a look of wonder.

Lily walked in with a tray of food, piles of crumpets with bright orange jam and toast, black bacon and eggs with witches hats on. She had tried with the theme of Halloween, but seemed the argument put it to shame. She had a bowl of porridge for Harry and Remus smiled and took the bowl letting Lily have some peace and quiet. Remus summoned a bib with her wand and started to feed Harry, the boys started shoving food into their face and Lily munched on some toast. They offered food to Remus and she shook her head, Lily frowned in response and Remus just smiled with a look of 'we'll talk later'.

Remus finished feeding Harry before letting him crawl along the floor. "Nap time." James said with a smile picking him up and taking him upstairs. Sirius got up to follow muttering something about bedtime stories leaving Lily with Remus.

"Why aren't you eating?" Lily asked suddenly, she nibbled on her piece of toast.

"Been feeling off for a while." She replied closing her eyes resting her head against the side of the armchair.

"But it's been a few weeks since the transformation… I thought you got better with that." Lily replied moving and passing Remus a piece of chocolate out of her handbag.

"Yeah, I don't think it's to do with that, I'm just a bit sick…" She replied but took the chocolate. Lily watched Remus for a while, with a puzzled expression. "I know what you're thinking, I wont be. Werewolves can't… It's not easy for a werewolf to be, so I wont be." She said and stood up and took a plain piece of toast and raised an eyebrow at Lily who nodded without a word.

Footsteps sounded as Sirius and James walked down the stairs, James dropped down on the sofa next to Lily. Sirius walked up behind Remus wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. "Feeling better?" He asked softly. Remus nodded resting her head against his, She moved them to sit down on the armchair and she curled up in his lap like she does after a full moon. He rubs her back softly and the other couple smile to themselves.

"Have you guys got snacks for Halloween?" James asked with a smirk at Remus, she rolled her eyes in return.

"Hopefully unless Moony here has eaten it all." Sirius said and Remus punched him. "Yeah, we are going to head back tonight, hand out chocolate to all the muggle kids in the neighbourhood. Going to dress up so scary, I'm a werewolf." Remus groaned at this again.

James was laughing, "Only you would be able to get away with that." He laughed and the doorbell rang, James got up to open to door and let in Peter, who was looking pale and thinner than usual. He sat down on the floor and James returned to the room.

"Dumbledore asked me to send you a message, Sirius you have to take over patrol tonight, Diggle got injured last night and you're the only one who's available." He said looking over at Remus and Sirius.

"Why can't you do it? You're not on duty." Sirius groaned throwing his head back, "I was meant to be trick or treating, scaring kiddies."

"I've just come off duty... not enough t-t-t-time." Peter stuttered and Sirius frowned.

"Don't need to sound so scared Wormtail, I was never going to make you do it." Sirius replied looking over at the other young man. At this point Harry started crying upstairs and Lily jumped up to go and take care of him.

The quartet sat together in silence for a few moment. Remus looked over them all, Peter looking down at his hands, James sitting listening out for his wife and son and Sirius his eyes closed resting his head against Remus shoulder. "We've changed."

James nodded to himself. "I'm sure for the better."

"I believe so…" Peter said still not looking up.

"I don't know what I'd do without you guys." Remus said and bit her lip.

"Those who love us never leave us." Sirius replied opening his eyes and looking over at Peter. Lily walked back down the stairs to sit beside James.

Peter let out a large yawn and stood up, "I need to sleep, sorry." Peter said and quickly left the house.

"What was that about? He's been getting really ill looking recently, I mean worse than Moony on the day after a full moon." Sirius said and frowned.

"War affects people differently. I think he's just worried about losing people. He keeps apologising as if this is all his own fault." Lily said with a sigh. "We're all struggling, I think he struggled because he doesn't have one of us. He doesn't have someone he's with all the time or can go home to. It's hard being alone."

"It's hard having someone…" Remus said quietly. "It's hard watching people go out for a mission and thinking they'll never come back." She shivered. At this point Harry started crying upstairs and Lily jumped up to go and take care of him.

Remus and Sirius stayed till just before lunch time, announcing that for Sirius to be on duty tonight he should probably do some stuff before he went. They hugged each other closely before they left, making a habit of it after they lost Marlene Mckinnon. Lily held Remus for a while, "I would still check." She said softly and Remus nodded reluctantly. Remus held James for longer than they ever have before, James kissed her on the cheek.

"I'm not going anywhere Moons." James said softly and kissed the top of her head.

Remus and Sirius found themselves back in the flat, the bowl of chocolate that had been full was now dwindling in stock. "Seriously Moony."

"It wasn't just me. For Merlin's sake Padfoot." Remus groaned walking into the living room starting to clean up some stuff.

"You promised me you would leave the stuff in there." He replied folding his arms across his chest.

"I've felt shit for the past two weeks, I needed to try and make myself feel better! I'm craving chocolate and if that's what makes my brain feel better than I'll eat it. The children don't need it!" She said tears in her eyes.

"Moons, I didn't mean… Don't go getting upset on me!" He stepped forward to grab her arm and she moved away.

"Just leave it." She snapped and carried on cleaning. She didn't look at him and wiped away the tears from her face. Sirius looked afraid that he had made her cry, he quickly went about sorting the rest of the house out.

"I'll be back early enough, we could still watch a scary movie with popcorn in bed, like our first halloween together." Sirius said and Remus nodded and looked back at him.

"Stay safe…" Remus said quickly and Sirius was already walking away. He turned back and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry our night is ruined, but once this is over, once we've won. Then it'll be me and you. Then we can be who we want to be. I can… I can make you mine." Sirius said his forehead against hers.

"What are you saying?" She asked softly moving her hand to his face.

"You know what I'm saying." He smiled kissed her softly and left.

Remus smiled, the prospect of the future was always a difficult one to comprehend, but the idea of a future will always cheer the group up because they could see a life after this. After a while the doorbell rang and Remus stood to give the trick or treaters the chocolate from her bowl, she opened the door to find no one there, she frowned and looked around before a patronus moved past her into the house.

There's been an attack on Godrics Hollow, come quick.

The deep voice of Kinglsey Shacklebolt echoed around the room and Remus froze. No, it couldn't be, they can't be. She dropped the bowl of sweets, slammed the door closed and apperated to Godrics Hollow.

There were people everywhere, the dark mark lighting up the street with it's gaunt glow. Remus pushed past the crowds, she could barely see anything, tears were streaming down her face. "James! Lily!" She was screaming, she could see someone holding a limp body. There was a police tape barrier around the area, and Remus felt someone catch her around her waist.

"Not here." The same voice of Kingsley Shacklebolt was behind her.

"What happened?" Remus asked unable to hold herself up.

"We had a traitor in our midst, Voldemort came and killed them, killed James, Lily tried to protect Harry, he killed her as well." With each word Remus lost more and more strength. "Harry lived, with nothing but a lightning bolt scar on his forehead, he destroyed Voldemort, he's gone." Kinglsey said trying to look Remus in the face.

"I can't… Where's Sirius? Where's Peter?" Remus begged looking around.

A loud crack sounded in front of her and Albus Dumbledore stood a sad look on his face. "Miss Lupin, we need to talk." Kingsley's hands let go of Remus and she stepped forward. "Peter Pettigrew has just been murdered, Sirius Black the secret keeper of the Potter's cottage, gave away the location of the Potter's, Pettigrew tried to stop him and he murdered him and 12 muggles. He's currently being held at the Ministry to be transported to Azkaban tomorrow." He sounded calm but watched Remus through tear filled eyes.

"No." Remus said her heart aching. She moved past Dumbledore, their bodies were now laid out in front of the house. She walked forward, no one tried to stop her as she sat in between the couple. She took Lily's hand in her own, stroked a piece of hair out of her face. Remus leant forward and kissed the top of Lily's head, "I will do everything I can to keep your son safe." She said softly before turning to the body on her left. A sob escaped her lips, this was James Potter, the 11 year old boy that took in a werewolf, a abandoned child and a reject all those years ago. James' hair lay flat on his head, she ran her fingers through it messing it up in the way he always did, she straightened his collar of his shirt. "You lied to me James Potter, you said you were going to be fine." She said, she moved forward and kissed his head as well. She sat there for a few moments holding the hands of her dead friends, she looked up at the house, it was destroyed, and Sirius had caused this, no, no she didn't believe that.

"No!" She shouted taking her wand and apperating to the entrance of the Ministry, people were everywhere, people were celebrating. She pushed past making her way in, she stormed up to the desk. "Where is Sirius Black being held?" She demanded, the woman was terrified and said something about the dungeon.

Remus ran from there, moving to the elevator racing down to find where he was taken. She saw a few Aurors she knew and demanded they take her to him. As they were friends they took her down to where they were meant to be keeping him, she could feel the cold air from the dementors surrounding this room.

"Where is he, I have to see him, this is a mistake, he didn't hurt anyone." She said slamming her hands down on the desk.

"Are you family?" The man asked calmly.

"I'm his… I'm his girlfriend." Remus said getting more and more impatient.

"Only close family would even be allowed to say goodbye, and we know the Black family will be proud of what their son did, they won't want to bid him farewell." The man said with a scowl. "He is going to Azkaban, no trial, all the physical proof points to him. There is nothing you can do. He killed those people, why would you want to see him anyway, unless to punish him, and I'm sure the dementors are doing that anyway." A slight smile curled at his lips.

Remus growled through her teeth, she stepped forward past the desk and started to walk towards the cells. The first flash of red hit her back, she wipped her wand out sending a spell back at the guard.

"Remus don't do this." One of the Aurors called behind her, she sent another spell back. Remus broke into a run,

"Sirius! Sirius!" She screamed out before another bolt of red light hit her and she fell to the ground.

Remus awoke in hospital the next day, her whole body ached, she could feel the bruises of where her face hit the stone floor. She awoke and for a split second everything was okay, but slowly the warm blood turned cold. She was alone, she would always be alone, he was gone, a murderer. They were gone, murdered by him, or might as well have been.

She sat up looking down at the IV drip sticking out of her arm. What was the point, what was the point of staying around when everything she had ever loved was gone. She ripped out the IV throwing it to the ground and pulled off the vital detectors.

Swinging her legs off the side of the bed she started to see the damage, the spells had caused the ache, but the whole of her body was bruised, her usual scars red and raw. She lowered herself off the bed, and walked over to where a pile of her clothes was, she pulled the worn jumper over her head and slowly moved herself into a pair of jeans, She needed to get out of there.

She walked to the door and opened it looking out onto the busy ward. There were patients and nurses everywhere, so she tried to blend in move with a crowd of people. She managed to make it to the door before a sharp pain in her abdomen caused her to buckle over with a groan, if only she made it out of the doors. A nurse swept over to help, realising that she was a patient and forcing her into a wheelchair to take her back to the room.

"No." Remus tried to fight back but couldn't. "I don't want this, let me go. Let me leave. I'm a waste on resources." She groaned trying to get out of the chair. The nurse pushed her back into the room. "People like you don't care about people like me." She said with shaking hands. "I'm a werewolf, an abomination, a monster. Just get rid of me." Remus was crying now, sobbing into her hands.

"We're not all like that, you have friends in high up places." She said softly and tried to move Remus back onto the bed.

"I'm… I dont want friends I dont want help." She pushed the nurse away."I don't care if you dont want help, I need to check on the baby." The nurse said sternly.

"The baby…" Remus' eyes went wide as she stared at the woman in front of her.


	2. 17th June 1993

Remus Lupin stood in the living room of her small flat, having spent the last six months in staff quarters at Hogwarts in a way her home did not feel like home. The fine layer of dust on her surfaces, the suitcases of her belongings piled on the floor by the pull out bed, the fugitive and murderer that stood in front of her.

"What do you want me to say?" She asked standing in the flat the man had bought for them 13 years ago.

"A hello would be a start." He said, pulling his bottom lip back with his teeth. Sirius Black was nervous, she could tell, more nervous than she expected or would have liked. He watched her in front of him, his eyes moving over her watching for any tells.

"I'm sorry…" Remus ran a hand threw her hair, "Hello." She said quietly her gaze finally landing on him, she looked over his appearance, on the outside he still looked like the man from the posters, Sirius Black escaped from Azkaban, that man she hated, that man she loathed. Sirius Black had caused her so much anguish, so much pain, he destroyed her entire life. Her gaze moved up to his face, to his eyes, there was Padfoot, there was the man she'd spent hours just curled up in his arms as he read to her, there was the man who said I can make you mine before walking out the door and she never saw him again.

"Hello." Padfoot said from behind those hollow eyes. Remus could see the hesitance, the flicking of his eyes from his hands to her. "It's been a long time. I missed you." At these words Remus flinched, I missed you, she closed her eyes for a moment, remember what Dumbledore told you, remember that it wasn't him, he didn't do it.

Remus opened her eyes and walked into the small kitchen not giving him another glance, she took out a plate collecting bits of food from her cupboards before returning to the man, who had not moved in the living room. "Eat. Please." She said passing the plate to him which he took and they both moved to sit down at the small two person dining table. "What did Dumbledore tell you?"

Sirius was pushing the food around his plate, he looked at Remus before eating some of the food, "Not much, there was little time to spare getting me out of there. I left on Buckbeak but Dumbledore found me explaining what was to happen, he's going to tell me where to go next."

Remus nodded taking in the information, she knew he wouldn't be here for long, but knew they needed to talk. "He spoke to me before I resigned, He explained that Peter was the secret keeper, that you were the decoy. He was the one who told Voldemort where they were, you went after him, he made out like it was you, cut off his finger and transformed. With no trial they sent you straight to azkaban for 12 years, you saw a newspaper with Pettigrew on and escaped to save Harry, and to kill Pettigrew. And I correct?" Remus asked softly, her voice not wavering once.

"Yes." He replied his hands clenched into fists, his knuckles turning white with time. "And I failed. That bastard is free."

"One day we will rectify that…" she said and moved her hand to his fists, moving her fingers to unclench the fists. "Now my story is rather different than yours." She stood and made her way over to a bookcase, she walked back with a large photo album. Placing it in front of him next to the plate of food. "Harry has lived with his Aunt and Uncle for all these years, I tried to take him away from them, but as a werewolf and no relation I was not allowed. I've also been on very little income." She sighed, "From my point of view, you killed James and Lily, and Pettigrew... I blamed you for everything, I wanted to get out of here, I wanted to die. But I couldn't." She opened the photo album. "Her name is Lyra Hope Lupin." she opened up the album.

The album was full of pictures of a little girl growing up, from pictures of Remus chasing after her in the small flat, of her toddling her first steps and her first day at hogwarts was the last photos waving and smiling up at them. The little girl had piercing gray eyes with long brown ringlets that fell around her face, she was a tall girl even for her age, her limbs lean but not hauntingly malnourished like her mother.

Sirius tried to hide his frown and he looked to her with a smile, "I am glad you found someone, your daughter looks lovely."

"She is lovely, she's 12 years old." Remus said watching Sirius' face, she wanted to see how he'd react, she wanted to see the recognition on his face.

"Twelve?" His brow furrowed as his mind worked for several moments before his eyes widened. "You don't mean to say?-" He cut himself off, looking to the girl, Lyra, once again.

Remus looked down at the picture he was looking at, she was 9 years old running around at the park, she stops runs over to the camera and waves before running back to the swing. "She has your eyes, your sense of humour, your temper and your untidiness." She said softly, her hands were shaking in her lap.

Sirius stared blankly at the photo as Remus eyes raised to his face. "I have a daughter." A smile began to form on his face, the smile suddenly fell and Remus moved back as he stood closing the photo album "I am so sorry." His voice was barely audible, but deeply expressive.

Remus wrapped her arms around her body, she stood in front of Sirius, her body hunched slightly to make her seem small. "You don't need to say that. We did okay, me and her. You kept us going all these years, without you we wouldn't have a roof over our heads, I'd be homeless and she would have been taken away." She said and she held herself tighter. "She's currently at Hogwarts, she's in the year below Harry, they're friends." Remus smiled lightly to herself thinking about her daughter hanging around with Harry like herself, Sirius and James did. "She hangs out with Arthur Weasley's daughter, they play pranks on her brothers, she's a very clever child." Remus looked up through her eyelashes at Sirius to see his reaction, when the man walked towards her wrapping his arms around her, she froze in place.

"You raised her on your own, I should never have been so reckless. I should have known Peter would do something like this, I should have known he would tear us apart." He said against her hair. "I'm so sorry, I should have been there, I should have been there for both of you. She grew up believing her father was a… a murderer." Sirius shuddered.

Remus shook her head, she moved back out of his arms. "I didn't tell her you were her father, I didn't want her thinking you were a bad person. When she was conceived we were happy, we were together, what we had wasn't… We weren't the same people, and I didn't want her to think of you like that." Sirius nodded in response but did not reply, he moved and sat back down and reopened the book.

"We were so happy…" Sirius said quietly, his eyes reading every tiny drop of information on the pages. "I want to meet her, if you want me to." He said looking up at Remus who was watching him.

"I'm picking her up from Kings Cross this afternoon… You could stay here, or you could…" Remus thought for a few moments, oh it was reckless but it was a one off opportunity. "We could always go together, you in Padfoot form… You would see Harry again and Lyra."

"You want me there? I thought you wouldn't… I thought you still wouldn't want me involved." Sirius said standing up to look at Remus who took an automatic step back.

"I want you to meet her, I spoke to her before I left Hogwarts, I explained that I knew you, that we were friends at Hogwarts, she connected you to all the stories I used to tell her about my friends from school. I'd like you to be there, we can bring her home and explain what she needs to know." Remus said and looked up into his eyes, the grey eyes looking back at her were full of hope and happiness, after a few seconds she could not hold the gaze.

"What have we become." Sirius said softly, he stepped forward placing a hand on Remus' arm. "There is nothing I would like more than to be a part of her life, no matter what role I take. I look forward to meeting our daughter, just 12 years too late."

Remus allowed the hand on her arm and nodded, she looked back at the table. "Eat, you'll feel better."

As Sirius moved back to eat the food in front of him, Remus moved back and started to move around the flat, with a wave of her wand the dust was lifted and she opened the curtains to allow the warm July air into the room. She walked over to the bookshelf where there was a picture of the four marauders, she smiled looking at the picture but shook her head, they weren't back, just him. When she turned around Sirius was looking around the room with his food. "There was no one else Padfoot." She said quietly, unsure if he would hear. She continued past him to the kitchen getting out a piece of chocolate and popping it into her mouth.

"You haven't changed a bit." Sirius said having followed her with his eyes into the kitchen.

"I'll have to disagree there." She replied with a sad smile, "I have changed a lot, so have you. I'm old." She said holding a piece of her hair, showing the few strands of grey that appeared down to the stress and strain of being a werewolf for all those years.

A bird flew past the window and they both looked up. "As soon as Dumbledore contacts me I'll be out of your hair. Can't get Hogwarts favourite defense teacher in trouble can I?" He smiled over at her, "You're not old… You're beau… You're just as I remember you." Remus watched him as he spoke, the lopsided smile from their childhood ghosted over his face and a shiver ran down her spine.

"I'll… I'll get you some new clothes." Remus said suddenly, she ran a hand through her hair, trying to brush out her thoughts. She walked over to the only cupboard in the room, opened it to pull out a large box from one of the shelves and placed it on the floor. Remus waved her wand and the box opened, inside the box was most of Sirius' old belongings. Some old shirts were missing, but if Sirius did search for them he would find them in her own wardrobe back from those lonely nights at the beginning. She pulled out an old shirt and jeans and his black leather jacket passing them over to him. "These may still fit you, you were still quite thin then." She said with a smile. She could see Sirius looking in the box, seeing old books and records, photos, a packet of cigarettes and various other items.

"Thank you." Sirius said softly brushing her hand as he took the items from her, he looked around to see where to change.

"It's still the door on the right. The shower works the same way as it used to." She said and watched him leave for the bathroom. As soon as he walked away she slumped down to the floor wrapping her arms around herself. She started to breathe deeply trying to calm herself, she could hear the shower running in the other room, she forced herself up, with a flick of her wand the box went back into the cupboard. She walked back over to the photograph, she looked over the picture, it was the Hogwarts school grounds, James was on Peter's shoulders waving at the camera, James who looked so much like Harry in that picture that when Harry walked into her classroom at the start of the year made her heart jump into her chest and she had to take a calming draught. Peter was grinning but struggling to hold James up, the nagging thought of him just giving up like he did with protecting them had to be pushed back. But there next to them was herself and Sirius, Sirius had his arm wrapped around her shoulders, he held her close and every so often kissed the top of her head. They had just started dating at this point, Remus was still a little nervous about it, worrying the boys were going to see her different after that point, but they never did. Hagrid had taken that photo for them, Hagrid had been her saving grace in the first few years after the incident, she had nowhere to go, nowhere to contact people so the morning before the first full moon she found herself at the gates of Hogwarts with a tiny baby in her arms. She waited until the half giant form came to find her, she begged him to look after Lyra for the night, she had nowhere else to turn and he took Lyra in for the full moons till she was 11 years old. Remus would find her way back to the hut in Hogwarts after the full moon to find a full meal waiting for her. Hagrid was probably one of the only reasons she was still alive in the early days.

The door creaked open again and Remus turned around to see Sirius exiting the bathroom, the sinking feeling returned seeing him in his old clothes, this time they were hanging off his form. "I'm surprised they have not come to question you yet." Sirius said as he pulled his long hair back and tied it at the back of his neck.

"I was questioned at the school, had a pretty strong alibi though, you know, my time of the month. Between that and the fact that most of the wizarding world knows I hate you." She said pulling her wand out and started to unpack her own suitcase.

"Oh…" He said quietly looking over at Remus. Remus hadn't meant to have said it so bluntly, but it was how she felt, she had been conditioned to hate him, he lied to her, killed everyone she loved and left her alone and pregnant. "Did you… Did you truly hate me? Was there not some part of you that knew I would never harm them?" Remus could see that Sirius was pushing a lot harder on this question than she expect him to.

"I didn't believe at first…" She waited until the suitcase was empty to continue. "I screamed down the ministry to let me see you. I barged through Aurors and screamed at receptionists and had to be stunned to get me out of there. I ended up at St Mungos. That's when I found out about Lyra. Dumbledore told me everything he knew, everything the ministry was saying, he made me believe you were a monster. I grew to resent you, to hate you. But would I have kept your things if I truly did…" She looked down at her hands at this point unable to control her emotions on her face.

"Thank you. For your trust." Sirius stepped forward and Remus looked up at him. "I apologise that I didn't trust you with the information that Peter was the secret keeper. I trusted you, but I didn't want… I didn't want to give you any information that may have gotten you killed, it was selfish of me, and I paid the price. I should have never trusted Pettigrew." He said. Remus looked at him closely now, she could really see the old Padfoot shining through. "Alright we could spend a very long time talking about this, but that's enough of this depressing nonsense. Tell me the amusing stories of raising a child with half my genes, was she a trouble-maker? Please tell me she's found the map? Is she adorable?"

Remus laughed softly, "She was a… Handful.. She still hasn't reached her stroppy brooding years that you went through, but we have time for that." She giggled watching as Sirius beamed with happiness. "There are more pictures I can show you, we didn't have many people in our lives, but we had each other."

Sirius moved over to the table and sat down pushing the forgotten food aside he started to look through the pictures again. "You did amazing Moons" He said softly watch the pictures looking at the tiny details, Remus smiled softly, the use of her old nickname warmed her.

Remus moved to sit back, they had some time till they had to go and pick Lyra up so she curled up in the armchair. "We were quite poor, but she always had what she wanted, just thankfully she didn't want for much." She said resting her head on the side of the chair and closed her eyes.

"Perhaps when things calm down, I will be able to go back to the Black Manor, the gallions there would certainly help." He said keeping his eyes on the photos.

Remus woke up suddenly, she had fallen asleep on the armchair. She found herself with a blanket over her and looked over to see Sirius still looking through the photos. "Sorry, full moon." She said softly and he turned around and smiled. "I remember." He said and she looked over at him, he had saved her from hurting the children, she could never forgive herself for being so careless.

Remus stood folding the blanket and placing it on the chair, she looked at the clock on the wall. "We should probably head off soon, the Hogwarts express arrives in an hour." She smiled briefly at him before collecting up her handbag and brushing back her hair.

"Right…" He said and stood up from the chair, he brushed himself off and looked back at Remus.

"Are… Are you okay?" She asked softly looking at him, worrying how he was going to react once everything settled.

"What do you mean?" He asked putting his hands in his pockets.

"I mean, after everything. Are you okay right now? Like I'm not expecting you to be good, but are you… You've been in az… I don't know." She stuttered over her words knowing what she wanted to say but unable to express it in the way she wanted.

"I'm fine, don't worry about me, worry about yourself. I know you're tired don't waste your energy on me." He replied looking away from her, a trick that even when they were younger showed that he was lying.

"I'm used to my tired Sirius. It's not wasting my energy when caring about you. I always have, I have much doubt I will ever stop." She said and stepped forward placing a hand on his am. He moved automatically and moved a hand to her waist. "Do you remember the last time we were here?" She asked in a breathless voice.

Sirius frowned at her, the dementors mess with your memories and she could see him scanning his with his mind. "Something's nagging at my mind."

"We were arguing over what chocolate to hand out to children and you told me I was eating too much chocolate. I told you I was craving chocolate and kids didn't need sweets." She smiled softly rubbing his arm with her thumb.

"Did the kids even get any in the end?" He teased. "Because you do have a serious problem with chocolate."

"No…" Remus said with a sad look crossing her face. "I was pregnant, and everyone I loved had just been attacked, assumed dead…" She moved her arm back and crossed them over her chest. "Sorry, I didn't… I'm sorry." She continued ducking her head down.

"Merlin's beard Remus, we are never going to be able to escape that night are we?" He let out a long sigh.

"James and Lily were everything to us, they're the only family we had left and they got ripped from us as well. Of course we're never going to escape that night." She sighed and stood up picking up the dishes and taking them to the kitchen. "The only family I ever had." He said bitterly, "you're right, Remus, you're always right." He grit his teeth, rubbing his hand over his face.

She stood at the window in the kitchen and stared out into the grey day, her hands gripping the counter. She sunk down into a ball breathing heavily. She needed to be happy, Sirius was back, he was still alive and not a monster. Her breathing quickened as her mind went to that last night, waiting for Sirius to come home, waiting and waiting, someone had sent her a patronus and she had stormed her way to the cottage, she had seen the destruction, watched them take out the bodies. She had shouted Sirius' name, begging for him to be there, screaming down the ministry.

He stood, looking to the doorway. He walked into the room, sighting Remus and immediately rushing to kneel beside her, his hand raising to touch her sounder, "Remus?" He said so quietly, even he couldn't properly hear. "Moony? You alright?" He spoke louder that time, leaning his head to the side in an attempt to better see her face.

She started to sob when Sirius wrapped his arms around her. She cried for the first time in years, once Hope was born she had to be strong, so she did. He whole body shook with sobs as Sirius was close to her, she could smell him, part of him still smelt the same, the lingering smell of cold and damp but underneath it all he was still him. She looked up at his face and moved her hand to cup it, her fingertips brushing his hair out the way.

He frowned at her, only growing more worried, He raised one of his hands to cover hers, holding her against his face, "What's going on? What's wrong?" He pulled her tighter against himself. "It's alright," His gaze met hers, eyes flicking over her features. He used his thumb to wipe her cheek, taking with it several of the tears that had fallen. "It's alright." He said once again, wrapping his arm back around her.

Remus held him close and hid her face against his shoulders, she was still trembling. She moved her face back and rested her forehead against his..

Remus closed her eyes and moved back slightly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." She said and shook her head standing up.

"No," he kept his hand on her shoulder, standing as she did, "you should have. We are all broken people, we've all had so much shit on our shoulders and I should have been there for you. But I think we both know we needed that."

Remus leant against the counter, "I need you, once this all blows over I need you to come home. I need you here because I feel like I'm falling, and honestly I need someone to fall with me" She said and smiled sadly.

"Remus…" Sirius stopped her mid movement to walk away, "I'm already waiting to catch you." He moved forward and kissed her forehead.

She looked up at the clock, "Right, come and meet Lyra."


End file.
